HOW I GOT TO THE OTHER SIDE!

We all have different kick in the butts that bring us to our edge of knowing something must change.

For me, it all started when I finally made it to the couch after being so depressed and unfulfilled that I couldn’t get out of bed for a month.

Now I know you might get jealous, but I have been blessed with going through some of the most lovely breakups (I have no sarcasm button on my keyboard). And I don’t just mean romantic breakups, I mean breakups in almost every facet of life - with romantic relationships, jobs, family, friends, health, finances, dreams, materialistic things, myself… However, I do say blessed because even though I couldn’t see it through the pain, I truly was given a blessing in disguise!

Along with feeling so overwhelmed and anxious about what I should be doing with my life, these breakups led me to the darkest place I have ever been. And when you get to that place, the place where your soul starts to get eaten away while you’re still alive, there is no place to go…but in – to stop it and get your power back!

The relationships I found myself in are the thing that I thought got me to that dark place. I’ve had the boyfriends that cheated on me, that weren’t proud of me, that acted like I didn’t exist at times. The guys that ghosted me. The guys that lied to me. I’ve had the boyfriend that had me move across the country to be with him only to break up with me over the phone six days after my arrival…with my belongings still in shipment somewhere across the country as I lived in the middle of nowhere in a room with no door on it in a friend’s messy house who was never home. I’ve had my “soulmate” that I lived with and out of nowhere he decided he was a totally different person than what he led on to be and break up with me by just not coming home. Ever. Like I never saw him again. He’s alive, don’t worry! And had a new girlfriend I was unaware of while he would inappropriately text me for years after that. She got herself a keeper, huh 😉 In all honesty, I wish him more self-love and her more awareness.

But there was one common denominator in all of these relationships. And that was…ME! There’s no denying that one! haha So I acknowledged the fact that if I truly wanted a change, I needed to be the one to make it. If you keep experiencing something over and over and over…chances are, the universe is telling you something and waiting for you to learn your lesson! To grow. To achieve. To succeed. To be the next best version of yourself that you can be and to break the cycle that you’re in.

Now, I watched my life coaches’ teachings for years, and I did have a lot of success, but the one thing I didn’t realize was that you can read and listen and always look for the silver lining, but it’s quite another to actually DO the work on a daily basis. As God, the Universe, Source, whatever you would like to call it, would have it, in my ultimate darkest hours, my life coach launched a six month, super intense, deep program for the mind, body, and soul.

I pretty much hadn’t worked in two months because I physically couldn’t pull myself out of bed in the mornings to do a job that society said I should do. I was dead and unfulfilled inside. With no money coming in. But there was nothing in me lighting a fire under my butt to go find another unfulfilling job. And the career that I wanted to do, that I knew would bring me so much fulfillment and be a true asset to the world, society said was “too hard and not the right thing to do. I could end up homeless.”

So I slept. All the time. With no money coming in. Because even though I still knew in my darkest moment that this wasn’t the only way to live, I felt like it was so “wrong” to go outside of society’s comfort zone, and into my own, that I allowed myself to fall victim to those beliefs. Instead of doing SOMETHING, I felt so unfulfilled, fearful, and lost that I chose to do NOTHING. I felt suffocated and trapped. So when my life coach’s course popped up, something came over me. I felt compelled and drawn to it and I had to do it. I didn’t know how much it would cost and I didn’t care. I knew my happiness was worth a million dollars so I applied, opened a new credit card, and decided to change my life for good

I got deep, guys. Along with all the intense self-work I committed myself to on this new journey, I removed all my vices and people whose opinions I valued most. I didn’t drink, eat chocolate, hit the snooze button, bite my nails, apologize for no reason (I used to apologize for breathing sometimes), I took a breather from loved ones, and I started a more healthy lifestyle – for 3 months!

I started seeing and feeling massive changes, not only within myself - feeling free and fulfilled, but in how others were responding to me. My skin was literally “glowing.” It was as if my cells were eavesdropping on my new thoughts and could finally breathe with the release of old energy and space for new energy- it looked like they were partying and rejuvenated!

I was feeling excited, but something was still ailing me. For 3 years, I needed 3-5 hour naps a day. I would collapse into complete lethargy out of nowhere. Like it got to the point where it took everything in my body to turn my steering wheel left one day. I called my mom sobbing. I had been to multiple doctors, had blood tests done, everything would come back “normal” to the doctors but that was not my normal way of being; I’m a high energy person!

I decided to start seeing a functional medicine doctor to do further lab tests and study my results from a holistic approach. I got my lab results back. Good bacteria in your digestive tract should be at about 120-280 units, mine were 12. My adrenals were depleted. And my hormones were almost completely diminished. I was put on supplements that lined the length of my counter. I had moments of higher energy, but the lags were almost getting worse. I didn’t know what else to do. And then suddenly, because of creating BURN, my program for others going through breakups at the time, I had a realization! I never dealt with my ex-boyfriend breaking up with me by just not coming home. What the—??

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, but in that particular situation, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t. I needed to be strong, move out in a week, find my own bachelorette pad, and keep my sh*t together so I could deposit the checks he owed me every other week for two months. I couldn’t find it in myself to get mad, he was such a “nice guy,” and if I got mad, he could stop paying me back what he owed me. So, apparently, I shoved it down. Way down. For 3 years. – OOP! There it is! THREE years. The same amount of time I needed 3-5 hour long naps every day

In that moment, I finally realized I was feeling sad about the breakup for pretty much the first time. But then some of my coaching colleagues encouraged me to play with anger. “I’m not angry,” I insisted, “He was a good guy.” But I took the advice and I tried anyway. And oh- my- goooosh. I was soooooo angry! I had no idea!!! Where did that come from?! I then felt hypocritical for creating my program, BURN, which was initially centered around becoming the best version of yourself after a breakup. I thought, “How could I create something to get over breakups when I am still upset about one of mine?!”

But then…the beauty happened. This was proof how necessary the BURN program is for others. This was the one breakup I didn’t actually deal with. Not on purpose. I had to be so strong in that traumatic experience that I actually thought I was fine and over it. I got to do BURN as my very first real client, first-hand, to make sure that it works. And my experience was, yes, it definitely does.

The day after I started BURN and acknowledged my true feelings (which was not fun), I didn’t need naps anymore! I’m not kidding! Heartbreak, guys! Heartbreak! And stress! And sadness. And depression. And feelings of unworthiness. And regret for not standing up for myself because I was living too much out of fear and denial to do so. Depleted adrenals, almost nonexistent hormones, missing almost all good bacteria in my digestive tract and needing 3-5 hour naps every day…was the result of being too scared to follow my dreams and allowing one tiny person in this ginormous universe to subconsciously control my health. My LIFE. This is what limiting beliefs and bottling up emotions can do to you, and THIS is why it is so important to take care of them in a healthy manner.

And now, here I am, happier and more fulfilled than I have EVER been! Was it mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially challenging? Was it the least amount of fun I have ever had in my life? Was it worth it? YES. YES. YES. All over it! My life is flipped upside down and right side up, on the path that I always knew I was meant to be on but couldn’t quite figure out how to get on it.

Did it happen overnight like Amazon Prime? Definitely not. Do I still have things I get to work on? Of course. Do I still have breakdowns? Yes! But I now get excited because I know the bigger breakdown, the bigger the breakthrough! No one’s life is sunshine and rainbows 24/7, and whoever makes you believe that is only showing their highlight reel. Part of being human is feeling all the emotions life has to offer! Feelings are what make us feel alive!!!

How many times have you felt like you had to chase someone or you weren’t enough for what you desired? A LOT of people haven’t dealt with this sh*t, and it can lead to THAT! It’s time we start to deal, heal and grow from it so we can be open to more freedom, fulfillment, and happiness in our lives, going for our dreams and allowing love in!

So I say thank you to these “crazies,” 😉 my ”teachers…” Because they taught me one of my biggest lessons in life! It’s ok to desire love from another person, but when you’re so in love with the idea of being in love, and don’t have much self-love, you settle for crumbs. You see, my self-worth, confidence, and value was getting lower and lower because every time I chose to chase one of these guys, I was actually self-abandoning and betraying myself. I wasn’t loving myself at all. What I really needed to learn was I didn’t need any little frickin’ crumbs from someone else because I was already the whole d*mn delicious cookie! 

Life was happening FOR me. I wasn’t breaking the box I was reluctantly and frustratingly trying to fit in, so life broke it for me. To deal with limiting beliefs that I didn’t know were holding me back since childhood, truly know who I am at my core, go for my dreams - no matter how big and scary, learn what compliments me in a significant other, and love myself enough to never settle for crumbs in any area of my life.

My “brokenness” not only led me to me, it led me to you–and to so many other individuals around the world that are in similar situations and looking for someone like me to help them. Now, I get to pass the tools I collected along the way on to you!

I am here for you. I am your cheerleader. And I am SO excited to help you get on your journey to the other side!

Cheers…it’s gonna be one wildly fun, memorable ride!

See you soon! 🙂

So Much Love! <3